All God

Funny how quickly I become dependent on other things besides God-grace. Well, not really funny, shameful is more accurate. The past few days have been hard. I have had some physical things going on, missed church on Sunday (again) because Surprise Girl wasn't feeling well but much more that any of the physical circumstances, I have abounded in sin -revelled in it -rolled around in it and covered myself. I have yelled at my kids. I have believed the lie that I just needed more selfish down-time to be refreshed. I have been unkind and harsh. I have not served my husband well. Ugh!

Why did I not begin to preach truth to myself sooner? Why did I not repent faster? Why did I continue in Satan's methodologies instead of applying grace in my life?

One clue is in the story that Blogger went down. I know, how could that possibly derail me for days on end? Well, I process best in writing and this is my online journal... my web-log. Blog. I put my trust for me to receive nourishment from God's Word in my ability to process by my writing. Did you read all the "I's" and "me's" and "my's" in that paragraph?

The short of it is that I depended on a tool (and we know all technology... it WILL let you down) and on self (say it again... and we all know self... it WILL let you down) instead of relying on grace. I did not believe in the sufficiency of God, but pinned my hopes on my own formula for godly living. After all, will God supply grace if I have not gone through the motions?

So here I sit at the very beginning... it's a very good place to start. I am a sinner saved by grace. I must decrease so He must increase. "Where sin abounded, grace did abound more..." (Rom. 5:20) Andrew Murray called it, "the displacement of self by the enthronement of God."

Look at the beginnings of all those sentences:

A sinner

I must decrease

Sin abounded

Displacement of self

Let me remember that God did not leave me there. Think of the ends of the sentences:

Grace

He must increase

Grace did abound more

Enthronement of God

In combination, the thoughts keep before my eyes this truth: "It was not sin, but God's grace showing a man and ever reminding him what a sinner he was, that will keep him truly humble." -Murray

My humility, my walking in the way of Jesus, is dependent on me not depending on me, but on God. God's grace is the only reason I can see my need for grace. God's grace is the only reason I can remember I need grace.

Sit back, take a deep breath, and say it outloud:

IT IS ALL GOD, ALL THE TIME.

Someday we are going to get to heaven and have those crowns to cast down before Jesus' feet. And with every jewel in those crowns, we will point and say, "This one, this was all God. It was Him at work in me. This is when I decreased and He increased in me. This is proof that God was in possession of me."

God, be in possession of me today.

Yes, I am still writing and processsing by writing on this blog.

But God help me see, help me remember that it all comes back to YOU. You are the supply of all that I need. IT'S ALL YOU, ALL THE TIME.